A Brief Update about Crazy New York People

So I am the most conservative person in New York. This is not surprising, though I am not all that conservative. Pop quiz: do you think the government should legislate on what you feed your children? Do you think that intrinsically, by nature of not being a politician, you are incapable of making basic daily decisions for yourself? Do you secretly believe that all low-income people are, by definition, mentally handicapped? Do find reasons for offense as a woman (or knower of women) every time you view any kind of text or media, clothing, gum on the sidewalk, candied nuts cart, or carton of milk? If you answered "no" to any of these, you are more conservative than everyone I know in New York.

Let's take for example this final question of constant female offense. Yesterday in class we read a text in which a certain Ludmila Sergeevna had gone on her first ever camping trip and had met her husband because he helped her set up her tent. It was a powerful and stirring text, worthy of those "mystery" "novels" mom so enjoys (Tall, Dark, and Camping, anyone?). But this chick next to me goes off because the author of the passage made Ludmila "need help" setting up her tent. She was very upset. She has clearly never tried to set up a tent alone before, and as we all know, in Soviet Russian, Tent poles you! Plus it was Ludmila's first camping trip, plus, Ludmila was obviously about 13 years old and I think Justin Bieber helped her set up her tent as excited as she was. I made the case that perhaps, subverting feminine stereotypes, Ludmila only pretended to need help in order to manipulate Justin Bieber into talking to her so she could entice and control him. A regular Judith, that Ludmila. The chick didn't buy it; as we all know, women are too weak to be anything but victims to the text and Justin Bieber.

But this is nothing compared to what is experienced in art school. In Ross's class today, the teacher nonchalantly claimed, "Well we all know today that there is no difference between men and women," to which Ross replied, "Well except biologically, you mean."

"No, men and women are exactly the same."

"You mean they're equal, but they're not identical biologically."

"No. They are one and the same."

Silence...

Ross: But, women have a uterus. Men do not.

Other guy: You only know that from textbooks. Who wrote those textbooks? Men.

Silence...

Ross: So, men made up the uterus and the idea that women can carry children?

Other guy: Well, they wrote the textbooks.

You heard it here first, folks. Men invented the uterus and childbearing. It doesn't really exist, someone just wrote it in a textbook and by blind faith in textbooks, we are born. Like on Looney Toons where they learn about gravity and it suddenly affects them. Will we suddenly loose the ability to procreate now? Maybe I shouldn't have put this on the internet.

I would like to take this moment to reiterate: This actually happened. It is not hyperbole. Women have no uteri, its just a tall tale from a patriarchal text book. Thought you guys might want to know.